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Friday, August 19, 2005

Better Your Own Than a Stranger

As I stroll through the streets I am often stopped by citizens who all me ask the same thing,

'Matty the Damned, what is the basis of your completely understandable loathing of the vile heterosexist oppressor? Is it the physical act of heterosexual intercourse that offends you so?'

When last asked this question I smiled indulgently, gathered my adoring interlocutors around and patiently explained that the breeder act was not in and of itself offensive but the outrageous degree of privilege accorded to the practitioners of this banal behaviour that provokes my righteous ire.

That evening, when I had settled down in my darkened study with glass of absinthe in one hand, a copy of The One Hundred and Twenty Days of Sodom in the other and a brace of Rottweilers seething at my feet I gave deeper thought to the vexed question of heterosexual congress.

Of course my mind was not troubled for long as the answer was plain before me in the fevered, syphilitic scribblings of the Marquis de Sade. Heterosexual intercourse was acceptable (even vaguely admirable) if it occurred within an incestuous paradigm and so it is in this offering that I would share with you some thoughts on the Game the Whole Family can Play.

Now before we proceed, I wish to point out that I am not talking about mucking around with your cousins. This is a common place practice we have all enjoyed. Do not think that I give any pervert credibility to those who indulge themselves in a good old fashioned cousin-pokin', corn-pipe smokin' hillbilly fuck-fest. Cousin fucking is a rite of passage but nothing special.

Humankind has a strong and honourable tradition of incest. As we know it was a particular passion of the Egyptian nobility. In the religious traditions of that ancient race, the deities Isis and Osiris were brother and sister and husband and wife. This was emulated by the royal houses of that culture. Pharaohs often married and bred with their siblings in an attempt to protect the royal lineage from contamination with tainted common blood. The Crowned Heads of Europe have centuries of cousin marrying heritage. Of particular note was the depraved union of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert the Good.

According to my favoured reading of history, the esteemed Roman Emperor Caligula famously impregnated his sister Drusilla, deified and renamed her Panthea before cutting the sprog from her living womb and eating it. It seems that the eccentric monarch believed himself to be Saturn at the time and like that terrible deity he felt that eating the fetus would save his throne from being usurped. Alas the fair Panthea did not survive this rude intervention in her pregnancy.

But before the more delicate readers out there protest their horror at this subject let me say this. If you were breastfed then you too are marked with the stain of mother-child incest. We must acknowledge the erotic aspect of the act of nursing. I myself was not suckled given that I was born with (amongst other things) a set of fully formed fangs. No sane woman would allow me near that tender part of her anatomy. I am told several wet nurses screamed and swooned with horror upon seeing me. One, gripped with insanity, went so far as to blind herself lest she should ever see something so horrific again. A wise woman indeed.

I maintain that brother-sister incest (step siblings need not apply here) is the ultimate expression of the heterosexual act. It perverts and corrupts the odious institution of family, offends the proscriptive laws of the moral state and gives rise to the possibility of deformed and monstrous off-spring. This is something that all of you who are cursed with heterosexual desires should aspire to. But what if you have no opposite gender siblings? Never fear, gentle reader! There is much to be said for expanding your mind with the carnal knowledge of your father or mother. What could be better than knowing the true meaning of the phrase "Daddy's little girl?"

Indeed incest is more than acceptable within the luscious realms of homosexual intercourse too. It is in this field that your correspondent is more experienced. Unfortunately my own brother is hopelessly given to the heresy of breederism so I have been unable to claim him for myself. Not to worry, in lusty days of yore I had the great pleasure of taking gorgeous identical twin boys into my bed. Shy and apprehensive at first these hearty youths soon fell upon each other and myself with great appetite and perverse intent. We three gave ourselves over to a three day orgy. I have had a special passion for twins ever since, something my good friend the Senator refers to as "stereo sodomy".

How can we know that incest is political acceptable? One indicator is the strident tones with which that prudish profession of "social workers" speak out against it. Another is the hysterical revulsion it promotes in "polite society". Incest perverts and corrupts. It attacks the very base of our society. A third is the fact that it is used by vicious heterosexual ruling class to marginalise Queers. Therefore I formally declare incest to be a legitimate Device of Queer Subversion.

As the old saying goes:

If you're not good enough for your own family, you're not good enough for mine.




At Fri Aug 19, 05:11:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger Steve said...

There's also another old saying: 'double your pleasure, double your fun, f**k twins.'

At Fri Aug 19, 05:44:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...


Indeed my love! Clearly you are a pervert after my own dark heart.

Kisses upon all your openings!


At Fri Aug 19, 06:30:00 PM GMT+10, Anonymous Herman2725 said...

Keep on going Matty.

At Fri Aug 19, 06:54:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...

Rest assured Hermie I'll never stop!



At Sat Aug 20, 04:34:00 AM GMT+10, Blogger Bucko said...

This essay is perticularly brilliant, Matty. I am humbled and sit at your feet. Now if you'll just open your fly, I'll sow you the full depth of my admiration-


At Sat Aug 20, 07:46:00 AM GMT+10, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And just what is wrong with,
"A good old fashioned cousin-pokin', corn-pipe smokin' hillbilly fuck-fest."
Those are the best especially if there are twins involved.

Maty, before you unziop your fly for
bucko make sure you put some of them there Yankee "Greenflys" in your pants so they can come out and bite him hard!
That's when I want to be there to take the pictures!

you rock!

Hillbilly boy.

At Sat Aug 20, 01:32:00 PM GMT+10, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Matty!

You promised you wouldn't tell!

love Mum

PS can't any of you cunts spell?

At Mon Aug 22, 02:04:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...

Oh Matty!

You promised you wouldn't tell!

love Mum

PS can't any of you cunts spell?

My mother is shameless, she wouldn't make me promise anything.

Why would we bother learning to spell for shite like you dear?


At Tue Aug 23, 05:19:00 AM GMT+10, Blogger Bucko said...

You tlod her, Matty!

At Wed Aug 24, 01:11:00 PM GMT+10, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Matty darling,

You know why you had all those teeth when you were born? Well you see, pet, I had a terrible dream towards the end of my pregnancy that a monstrous creature was about to spring forth from my loins so I kept my legs together for as long as I possibly could - I hoped in vain that it would go away but alas not so - you were in there so long that eventually you were able to eat your way out of my sorry womb. I sometimes wish I had kept my knees clasped fifteen months earlier, but these things are sent to try us as they say. In fact I can only count it as a miracle of God that after the reconstruction of my private parts I was able to bring into this world your gentle and handsome brother who will one day bless me with NORMAL grandchildren. I don’t know how you came to be, I can only put it down to that night of your Uncle Billy’s 21st and somehow I had a little bit too much Porphery Pearl and well, the next thing I knew I came to with my ankles around my ears and your uncle Billy lighting a cigarette as he sauntered out to the veranda humming "Knees up Mother Brown". But darling, in spite of the fact that you’re a nasty little hyena, I still love you as only a mother can – just not as much as I love your brother.

Oh and Matty just one more thing before I go - I know ‘odious’ was the first word you heard but must you use it so often, after all we have described you in other ways – get over it!

love Mum
(PS I posted the above yesterday before your little friend Bucko added his tedious new chapter (been there, done that Bucko)but it seems to have disappeared, I must have pressed the wrong buttons - so anyway here it is again, I don't want you to think I don't care.)


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