I am a Weapon of Mass Depravity

An interesting discussion in another place a few days ago set me to thinking about HIV and our perceptions of ourselves as physical beings. But before I launch into that I should preface my comments with a few facts.

I belong to the group of HIV positive men known in my country as "Second Wavers". We were infected in the period 2001-2005 when HIV rates rose suddenly after years of decline. Unlike many who had gone before us, we were educated and considered ourselves well informed about the modes of transmission and the attendant risks. The reasons for the outbreak of HIV in our group other than the fact that we didn't practice safe sex is not clearly understood. It has been suggested that reasons include "AIDS fatigue" to improvements in HIV treatments to the widespread use of amphetamines amongst gay men.

In 2002 my home state of New South Wales (NSW) reported an increase in HIV transmission of 15%. Queensland (QLD) reported an increase of 20% and Victoria (VIC) an increase of 6%. In the following years these numbers continued to rise until this year NSW reported a decline of 14% in the calendar year 2004. It is interesting to note that the insufferable AIDS Council of NSW (ACON) claims to have played a role in this decline through their "education campaigns" and peer educator networks. They conveniently overlook the fact that HIV increased at a time when they were running similar campaigns. In any case I will take poisonous aim at ACON at another time.

Not everyone agrees on the reasons for the increase. Whilst the rationally minded acknowledge that HIV rates increased because of a drop in the practice of safer sex amongst homosexual men some, such as the odious hate-group the Australian Family Association (AFA) maintains that the increase in HIV was because progressive Australian governments (such as the Bracks government in VIC) increased funding to "homosexual run AIDS organisations". But then what would you expect from an organisation that believes that the Bible is the literal word of their god? Other religious groups also support this view.

It is interesting to note that whilst HIV declined in Australia amongst homosexual men during the 1990s, it actually increased amongst the Aboriginal and Islander people of my country. In that group HIV is predominantly transmitted by heterosexual contact. Numbers are still low, but given the poor standards of health amongst the First Australians (Aboriginal men have a life expectancy 20 years less than that of non Aboriginal men) this trend must be viewed with concern.

However, let us return to the matter at hand. The discussion at the AIDSMEDS Community Forums was prompted by a member who explained why he had a red biohazard tattoo on his leg. I made the point that HIV gives me a perverse sense of power. I can be perceived as walking death. To me, my semen is no longer an innocuous (and tasty) body fluid, it has become venom. I am able (should I so choose) to inflict this fatal sting on others by means of the intimate embrace of sex. Whether I would do so is not the point - it is enough that I am able to. Rather than seeing myself as a weak AIDS victim condemned to a wretched, isolated death I can understand myself as a potent homosexual warrior armed with a deadly weapon. I am to be feared. As Homocult once stated:

Fuck with us and you die.

And indeed I am feared. A couple of years ago I was at the dentist. I filled in the relevant forms and when I asked if I had any infectious diseases I simply said yes. The document didn't ask me specify. The trainee dental nurse (a vain and dimwitted girl of around 17 years of age) asked my what the infectious disease was. When I told her that I had AIDS she promptly kitted herself out in barrier nursing gear, including an enormous clear plastic face mask.

I immediately fell about the place laughing. All this for a simple filling! She looked like an extra from the set of the Andromeda Strain. The dentist did not see the humour. He was horrified.

"Take that ridiculous apparel off, you foolish girl!", he barked.

She burst into tears and ran from the room. The dentist apologised profusely and noted that, in his opinion, the quality of dental assistants declined each year. He arranged for the senior dental nurse to take his erstwhile assistant's place and no extraordinary precautions were taken. The procedure would be described in clinical terms as being "unremarkable".

The terror that still surrounds people with AIDS doesn't just have it's roots in the disease. In my country HIV is still predominantly a condition of gay and bi-sexual men. Very few injecting drug users or heterosexuals (or indeed women) contract the virus thanks to our 20 year history of Needle and Syringe Programmes. As a result AIDS is still strongly associated with homosexuality and homosexuality is viewed as immoral by a large proportion of Australians (about 35%).

Given the views and teachings of various religious institutions, not least the Roman Catholic Church, it should come as no surprise that people like me are feared. Not only is my sexuality "intrinsically disordered" but my HIV positivity comes (in their opinion) as direct result of immoral conduct.

Whatever the case may be, I can't help but enjoy this status as a monster. I'll end with another quote from Homocult:

Everything You Make a Freak Will Infect and Make You Weak.

Indeed.

IN SOLIDARITY

MtD