Fellatio, or Good To The Last Drop (:-{ })

I am a cheerful cocksucker, and have never had a problem admitting it. I love the taste of penis and scrotum, and while I am ambivalent regarding the current mania for pube eradication, I can appreciate the extra sensation this practice facilitates. I can't understand the fear and loathing of a well-tended bush among my us guys, that's all. When did a bald, prepubescent crotch suddenly become so desirable? Did I take an extra long nap and miss the memo?

Although I am a champion sword swallower, I prefer equipment in the average range or slightly below. I don't need a relapse of TMJ, and, let's face it, your Bucko's getting just a bit lazy in his middle years. Just because I gave up my gag reflex for Lent in 1977 doesn't mean that I feel obliged to stretch out my voice box every time I want to curl my tongue under a foreskin. And besides, I'm a strict anal top. I prefer certain qualities over sheer quantity.

As someone who's worn out a Gap's worth of jeans through the knees, I do have some suggestions for anyone who might care to add to the back of the line at my door:

• If I invite you to "jump in the shower" it's not because I think you need a restyle of your coif. Cheese is best served with crackers and an unpretentious Cotes Du Rhone.
• I know what I'm doing, so relinquish control and enjoy it. Your hands would be better served on my tits and not grabbing at my ears. I promise you'll feel my lips hit your balls eventually, but at my own pace.
• If you don't want my fingers up your ass just say so. Clenching is so passive/aggressive.
• Quickies, while fun at their moment, are like that old saying about Chinese Food: an hour later I'll want some more and you might not be around to feed me. So what's the rush? Did you accidentally leave the gas on?
• Yes, doll, it is a mighty tool. And yes, I like having your dick hit my tonsillectomy scars. But endlessly droning the same questions over and over is straight out of a bad porn video from the mid-nineties. Be creative in your dirty talk or keep it simple and just moan alot.
• I would appreciate a heads up when you're ready to squirt. I reserve the right to decide for myself whether or not I'd care to include your splooge in my food pyramid.

And for the legions of you who think that your tongue and hands feels the same as the back of your throat, I have one observation: They don't. I have spent long hours perfecting my craft, and know what works and what doesn't. You do not pass my class with a D in effort. If I can slip an Anaconda down my gullet, you shouldn't be so squeamish over my Rattler.

Bisous-

B