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Monday, July 25, 2005

Up Ya Bum!

Since the Lovely Buckles has placed the arse firmly on the agenda I think it is instructive for us to consider what can go wrong when we experiment with this most glorious of body parts. Now like many men, I am a great fan of shoving things up my shute - mainly cocks, but dildos, vibrators, suitable fruits and vegetables, fingers, tongues and toes (to name a few things) are welcome at my backdoor.

Nevertheless gentle reader, things can go wrong and whilst I have never encountered any of the problems that I am going to relate here, many of you are not as sharp of mind and sense as I am, so listen up.

We have all, I'm sure, heard of the highly amusing tales of pervert males ending up in the casualty departments of hospitals needing all manner of curious items extracted from their chocolate freeways of love. Light bulbs, curling irons, ice picks and even the U bend from a sink have all found their way into the fundaments of idiots resulting in great pain and distress for the patients and much mirth for the medical staff.

However my favourite tale of a misused tail is this one. Allow me to quote the case report:

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
by Peter J. Stephens, M.D., and Mark L. Taff, M.D.
from the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology 8(2):179-182, 1987.

This article describes an unusual rectal foreign body resulting from homosexual anal erotic activities. The patient had used an enema containing a concrete mix which became impacted and required surgical removal. The use, abuse, and complications of enemas are reviewed.

Key Words: Anal eroticism--Colorectal injuries--Enemas, cement--Foreign bodies--Paraphilias.


During the last 20 years, sexual habits have changed in western society. Both homosexuals and heterosexuals have shown an increasing interest in anal erotic practices, including the use of enemas for sexual enjoyment. We report a case of a klismaphiliac who had an impacted foreign body in his rectum following an enema with a concrete mix.


CASE REPORT

A 20-year-old man presented to the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. A well-nourished, well-developed man without signs of intoxication was admitted in no apparent distress. Digital examination of the rectum revealed a stony hard mass. Abdominal plain films showed a vertically oriented, low-lying radiopaque object in the rectum. A spherical radiolucency was noted in the upper pole of the mass. A blood alcohol level was negative. No other drug testing was performed.


Upon further questioning, the patient said that approximately 4 hrs earlier he and his boyfriend had been "fooling around." After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care.


Under general anesthesia, the anus was dilated and two Foley catheters were inserted alongside the rectal mass to relieve suction. A concrete case of the rectum was delivered without incident. The rectal mucosa was intact with a hyperemic and edematous appearance.


The patient was kept overnight and discharged uneventfully the following morning. The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined.


PATHOLOGIC EXAMINATION

Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12 X 7 X 5 cm and weighing 275 g. A thin layer of feces coated the surface and crevices. Grooves in the mass were consistent with rectal mucosal folds. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen and revealed a white plastic ping-pong ball. This corresponded to the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray.


Oh dear.

The top picture you see here is of the "cast" removed from that stupid fairy's clacker. Note the shapely and faithful reproduction of his boy-pussy. If you had two you'd have a fetching pair of bookends.

I have encountered some dumb queens in my 30 years on this planet but this fellow has to rank up there with the best of them. Indeed the "best of them" includes the fool's boyfriend. It's bad enough when a poofter asks "Hey I've got an idea, why don't you give me a concrete enema?" but when his boyfriend replies with "Yeah, sure love! Let me grab the funnel!" you've just got to shake your immaculately coiffed head.

But comrades it seems that fuckwittery abounds and medical reports document countless similar problems. Not all of them are done by dopey fags, however. One story recounts how an old man troubled by his piles, would push a particularly troublesome one back into place with an ammunition shell he souvenired in World War II. One day whilst performing this procedure the shell managed to become lodged up the old fella's arse and he had to toddle his little self down to the hospital to have it removed.

When the doctor asked if the shell was spent the silly old cunt was reported to have replied "Oh no, there's enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmidt out of the sky."

Consequently, the bomb squad was called and a special lead box had to be constructed around his geriatric backend to effect the shell's removal in a safe fashion.

This habit of inserting stupid things in bums is seemingly a habit peculiar to men, so boys - take care. If you're going to shove things other than your best mate's cock up your freckle think first. Make sure you can pull it out on your own, don't use cement as an enema or you may find yourself being talked about here.

IN SOLIDARITY

MtD

Notes:
The information in this article was sourced from this site.


17 Comments:

At Mon Jul 25, 04:10:00 PM GMT+10, Anonymous Fashion Victim said...

Finally, something to wear with cement shoes!

Thanks.

 
At Mon Jul 25, 06:00:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...

Dear FV,

Welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed the article. I have a list of people to whom I would like to administer a cement enema and I'm sure you do to.

I wonder if the concrete butt-plug will take off amongst the twinks?

Visit us often for more scatalogical rewards!

MtD

 
At Mon Jul 25, 11:36:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger Bucko said...

"The top picture you see here is of the "cast" removed from that stupid fairy's clacker. Note the shapely and faithful reproduction of his boy-pussy. If you had two you'd have a fetching pair of bookends"

Matty-
We should consider teaming with an e-tail affilliate to test the marketability of such a spendid bit of decor. They're just what required to keep my library neat, organized and well accessorized.

And, beloved FV, thank you for finding the creativity to come up with a handle more illustrative than "anonymous".

All in all, this is a delighful post and fully in keeping with the intentions and promises made at the debut of The Spin Cycle.

Bravo!

 
At Tue Jul 26, 12:31:00 AM GMT+10, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Bucko, I just love you. How you got mixed up with these two nuckle-heads is beyond me. You are much too good to be saddled with their nonesense.

I find you very intelligent and funny. And I even find Matty intelligent and sometimes funny. Matty just has a bad attitude. I don't know what to say about that youngster yall have decided to associate with. He has a big mouth and a small brain.

 
At Tue Jul 26, 01:38:00 AM GMT+10, Blogger Bucko said...

Oh Bucko, I just love you.

[Thanks, doll. Bucko always appreciates a complement from the readership]

How you got mixed up with these two nuckle-heads is beyond me.

[It started with drinks around the pool at the Ritz Carlton in LaJolla]

You are much too good to be saddled with their nonesense.

[Please don't overestimate my goodness. It'm still grappling with a Parisian Manicure obtained during the festivities last night at the Ramrod]

I find you very intelligent and funny.

[Thanks, again...]

And I even find Matty intelligent and sometimes funny. Matty just has a bad attitude.

[MtD outclasses me in charm, education and height. We are equals in debauchery and libertinage. Only my suntan is his superior.]

I don't know what to say about that youngster yall have decided to associate with.

[R is intensely loyal, painfully compassionate, absurdly gifted and singularly inquisitive.

If I had a tenth of his vigor and drive I'd be too busy ruling the world to post on this little blog]

He has a big mouth and a small brain.

[His brain is perfectly fine, and superior to mine in every way.

As regards his mouth, I'm afraid your mistaken. His lips have yet to moisten my balls due to an overactive gag reflex that is a work in progress. His ass, on the other hand, is most accomidating]

Please don't attempt to parse our Troika into slices that are divorced from reality. We may speak with different voices but share a common passion. My commitment to R (and MtD) is the soundest and most reasoned commitment I've made since they closed Sporter's and turned it into a Starbucks. We cannot be divided and will stand (or fall) in solidarity and brotherhood.

 
At Tue Jul 26, 02:01:00 AM GMT+10, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Diana Ross don't get your panties in a bunch. Nobody is trying to break up the Supremes. I am sure you know him (the youngster) much better than the rest of us. So I'm sure you are able to see the diamond, hidden by the rough.

 
At Tue Jul 26, 04:50:00 AM GMT+10, Anonymous Daddy........... said...

Matty, You dearly deserve some critically needed, and passionately inflicted discipline.

Hmmmmmm...... There must be some available practitioner somewhere near your domicile, that can make you beg for mercy for your clear and definate debauchery, and distaste for common decency.

Praying for your day in the sling of intense anal worship.

In sincerety.

 
At Tue Jul 26, 06:55:00 AM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...

How you got mixed up with these two nuckle-heads is beyond me.

Oh honey, just one of the many things that would be beyond your tepid understanding.

You know sweetie, if you're going to sling the mean words around you should learn to spell them. It's "knuckle-head". Notice the "k" in there, lab partner?

I'm delighted to note that you find me intelligent and occasionally funny and you're right I do have a bad attitude. Positively rancid, you might say.

By the way, the "youngster" has a name it's Ronnie - but I understand you wouldn't have the grace to use it. I mean you do say "yall".

Come back now, y'hear!

MtD

 
At Tue Jul 26, 07:02:00 AM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...

Ah Buckarooni,

Backdoor decor! I can see it now.

I just love how the anonymous trolls from Another Place try on the feeblehanded wedge politics. Little do they know!

Still trolls are readers and I love them for it. Who else would I have to kick the shit out of if it wasn't them?

MtD

 
At Tue Jul 26, 07:06:00 AM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...

Dearest Daddy,

Matty, You dearly deserve some critically needed, and passionately inflicted discipline.

You're right! Matty the Damned is a very, very bad boy (why else would I be damned?) and in need of severe correction and stern discipline.

There must be some available practitioner somewhere near your domicile,

I hope so otherwise who knows what naughtiness I might get up to next?

Praying for your day in the sling of intense anal worship.

Oh yes! Yes! Yes! YES!!!

MtD

 
At Tue Jul 26, 08:58:00 PM GMT+10, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now like many men, I am a great fan of shoving things up my shute - mainly cocks, but dildos, vibrators, suitable fruits and vegetables, fingers, tongues and toes (to name a few things) are welcome at my backdoor.

You forgot the most obvious - your own head. Cranium, that is, not the little fellow. When your own head isn't up your shute, it's Ronnie's turn.

Oh, sorry, am I making unfounded accusations? But I thought that's what you two idiots liked best!

 
At Tue Jul 26, 10:20:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...

You forgot the most obvious - your own head. Cranium, that is, not the little fellow. When your own head isn't up your shute, it's Ronnie's turn.

Darling you are too kind! When I was 15 I could suck my own cock. Quite a sight. The other boys in my boarding school dormitory loved to watch me do it. But alas no more. Age has wearied me and stiffened parts that I would rather were not stiff.

Fortunately the parts that should be stiff are still rock-solid. Particularly when I read comments like yours.

But as for Ronnie, well he is a hottie and I wouldn't mind having any part of him up my arse.

I wonder who (or what) is up your arse?

MtD

 
At Tue Jul 26, 11:31:00 PM GMT+10, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ronnie a hottie? Please. You guys need your heads examined. He needs to lose some weight. Actually he needs to lose a lot of weight, before he is even up for hottie consideration.

 
At Wed Jul 27, 01:54:00 AM GMT+10, Blogger Bucko said...

Hot comes in all sizes and colors of the rainbow. I find Ronnie's looks to be quite fetching, and I love young ass bouncing off my thighs.

The most appealing part of a bottom is that quality of voracious submission, which Ronnie has in spades. He's much more fun than you'll ever know, dear, and just perfect as he is.

Besides, who wants to grab onto hip bone when throwing a lusty fuck? I like meat on the bones of my hungry holes. And Miss Ronnie's filled out just fine in my book.

(_)0(_)
B

 
At Thu Jul 28, 06:14:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger David said...

Now the tone is set, dear Mattie the not quite so damned. Perhaps there's alot to be said for the backdoor for I must admit to having given and especially attending backdoor gala's. The male bum. Some are like works of art still others are quite insatiable. I wonder which category yours falls under....I can handle the TRUTH.

 
At Fri Jul 29, 12:27:00 AM GMT+10, Anonymous straightie180 said...

ANONYMOUS your ramblings make for tedious surfing and yet I forgive you because without you we would not be provided with Mattys' witty come backs. Oh dear, I believe that we have been presented with the dichotomous nature of the cyber fuckwit, with out it surfing is pleasent but who would we laugh at if there was no one around posting out mindless insults? Certainly not so entertaining. By all means, continue.Let Matty have a field day.

 
At Fri Jul 29, 01:25:00 PM GMT+10, Blogger Matty the Damned said...

Dear Straightie180

ANONYMOUS your ramblings make for tedious surfing and yet I forgive you because without you we would not be provided with Mattys' witty come backs. Oh dear, I believe that we have been presented with the dichotomous nature of the cyber fuckwit, with out it surfing is pleasent but who would we laugh at if there was no one around posting out mindless insults? Certainly not so entertaining. By all means, continue.Let Matty have a field day.

You are quite right my dear, we are grateful to ANONYMOUS here at The Spin Cycle. The target of our invective suffers greatly for our amusement.

Rest assured that the venom will continue to flow freely.

Love ya,

MtD

 

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