Up Ya Bum!

Since the Lovely Buckles has placed the arse firmly on the agenda I think it is instructive for us to consider what can go wrong when we experiment with this most glorious of body parts. Now like many men, I am a great fan of shoving things up my shute - mainly cocks, but dildos, vibrators, suitable fruits and vegetables, fingers, tongues and toes (to name a few things) are welcome at my backdoor.

Nevertheless gentle reader, things can go wrong and whilst I have never encountered any of the problems that I am going to relate here, many of you are not as sharp of mind and sense as I am, so listen up.

We have all, I'm sure, heard of the highly amusing tales of pervert males ending up in the casualty departments of hospitals needing all manner of curious items extracted from their chocolate freeways of love. Light bulbs, curling irons, ice picks and even the U bend from a sink have all found their way into the fundaments of idiots resulting in great pain and distress for the patients and much mirth for the medical staff.

However my favourite tale of a misused tail is this one. Allow me to quote the case report:

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
by Peter J. Stephens, M.D., and Mark L. Taff, M.D.
from the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology 8(2):179-182, 1987.

This article describes an unusual rectal foreign body resulting from homosexual anal erotic activities. The patient had used an enema containing a concrete mix which became impacted and required surgical removal. The use, abuse, and complications of enemas are reviewed.

Key Words: Anal eroticism--Colorectal injuries--Enemas, cement--Foreign bodies--Paraphilias.

During the last 20 years, sexual habits have changed in western society. Both homosexuals and heterosexuals have shown an increasing interest in anal erotic practices, including the use of enemas for sexual enjoyment. We report a case of a klismaphiliac who had an impacted foreign body in his rectum following an enema with a concrete mix.

CASE REPORT
A 20-year-old man presented to the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. A well-nourished, well-developed man without signs of intoxication was admitted in no apparent distress. Digital examination of the rectum revealed a stony hard mass. Abdominal plain films showed a vertically oriented, low-lying radiopaque object in the rectum. A spherical radiolucency was noted in the upper pole of the mass. A blood alcohol level was negative. No other drug testing was performed.

Upon further questioning, the patient said that approximately 4 hrs earlier he and his boyfriend had been "fooling around." After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care.

Under general anesthesia, the anus was dilated and two Foley catheters were inserted alongside the rectal mass to relieve suction. A concrete case of the rectum was delivered without incident. The rectal mucosa was intact with a hyperemic and edematous appearance.

The patient was kept overnight and discharged uneventfully the following morning. The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined.

PATHOLOGIC EXAMINATION
Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12 X 7 X 5 cm and weighing 275 g. A thin layer of feces coated the surface and crevices. Grooves in the mass were consistent with rectal mucosal folds. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen and revealed a white plastic ping-pong ball. This corresponded to the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray.

Oh dear.

The top picture you see here is of the "cast" removed from that stupid fairy's clacker. Note the shapely and faithful reproduction of his boy-pussy. If you had two you'd have a fetching pair of bookends.

I have encountered some dumb queens in my 30 years on this planet but this fellow has to rank up there with the best of them. Indeed the "best of them" includes the fool's boyfriend. It's bad enough when a poofter asks "Hey I've got an idea, why don't you give me a concrete enema?" but when his boyfriend replies with "Yeah, sure love! Let me grab the funnel!" you've just got to shake your immaculately coiffed head.

But comrades it seems that fuckwittery abounds and medical reports document countless similar problems. Not all of them are done by dopey fags, however. One story recounts how an old man troubled by his piles, would push a particularly troublesome one back into place with an ammunition shell he souvenired in World War II. One day whilst performing this procedure the shell managed to become lodged up the old fella's arse and he had to toddle his little self down to the hospital to have it removed.

When the doctor asked if the shell was spent the silly old cunt was reported to have replied "Oh no, there's enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmidt out of the sky."

Consequently, the bomb squad was called and a special lead box had to be constructed around his geriatric backend to effect the shell's removal in a safe fashion.

This habit of inserting stupid things in bums is seemingly a habit peculiar to men, so boys - take care. If you're going to shove things other than your best mate's cock up your freckle think first. Make sure you can pull it out on your own, don't use cement as an enema or you may find yourself being talked about here.

IN SOLIDARITY

MtD

Notes:
The information in this article was sourced from this site.