Up to Your Nuts in Guts

In this humble offering I would like to turn my attention to the issue of HIV and unprotected sex. Given the title you may be confident that I will focus on anal sex between men or barebacking. Let me say from the outset that the sexual practices of the heterosexist majority is a matter for them and they have more than enough opportunity to discuss it.

Since the second wave of infections amongst gay men in the developed world considerable focus has been brought to bear on the subject of barebacking. For the most part discussion of this issue has been surrounded by not inconsiderable hysteria. In recent days your intrepid correspondent was party to a lengthy dialogue on this very matter in another place. Encouragingly it was a constructive exchange of views - something that is not common when it comes to this topic.

Members of the Safe Sex Taliban shriek wildly about the irresponsibility of boys who ride without a saddle - betraying a complete lack of understanding of what sex means to many Queers. Contrary to common belief it is not a mechanical satisfaction of physical desire but a complex exchange of intimacies between men. An opportunity for a shared experience, a change to know each other in a way that cannot be described in words. Failing to accept this deep need means that these loud mouthed do-gooders will always be bemoaning the increasing rate of HIV and other STD's amongst my people.

It is simply not good enough to be proscriptive in these things. The directive "you must practice safer sex all the time" is not realistic and denies our needs as real beings. As Queers we are marginalised and constructed as other. Society needs to be "protected" from us and it is not hard to see why many homosexual men eschew the latex barrier of the condom because it represents the very way in which we are isolated and made into bringers of pestilence, modern day Typhoid Marys if you will.

These matters are not helped by the ridiculous rantings of self loathing fascist faggots like Andrew Sullivan who insist that HIV negative gay men need to see more of us dying so they'll get the message about safe sex. Given that Sullivan has HIV himself, I wonder what qualifies him to preach to the rest of us like some swarthy Ann Coulter or Miranda Devine? Sullivan's claims are particularly offensive given that he even promoted barebacking way back in 1996 when he declared the "end of AIDS". This is the typical and wanton hypocrisy of the Right.

I'm going to be blunt about this: I hate condoms. Having sex with a condom is really not my thing, for the lure of pink-on-pink has been a central aspect to my sexual practice. However I think it is important to make how I conduct myself as a sexual being clear. Since becoming HIV positive I have found that I prefer to lie down with other HIV positive men. I have gone with negative blokes since receiving God's Holy Judgement on my sinful lifestyle but give this little white pervert a choice and he'll choose the boy with queer plague everytime.

In a previous post, my fellow Spin Cycle Blogger and known associate the Divine Bucko expounded on the subject of the bugchaser - that curious character who seeks out HIV positive partners for unprotected fucking with a view to contracting bum flu or at least the thrill of the risk. It amuses me to see how these fellows think they are such sexual devils. I find such types to be sad, pathetic types with no redeeming qualities. I encountered one in a pub about 18 months ago. He was quite brazen in his pursuit and was not impressed when I rebuffed his advances saying that it was my virus and I wasn't about to give it to someone who clearly could not be trusted with such a powerful weapon. So on the odd occasions when I do consent to fuck a negative man it's rubbers or no rooting.

But what of unprotected bum-fucking between positive men? Once again we positive Queers (even more marginalised than our negative brethren) are lectured one what we may and may not do. Of course unprotected sex between positive men carries risks. The risk of contracting or transmitting a resistant strain of the virus cannot be denied. The risk of acquiring other STD's (genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, hepatitis A and B and so on) must be acknowledged as well. As someone who has had more than his share of poxes, claps and jacks I can assure you that I understand full well what I am doing.

For me and many other positive men, this is an issue of self determination. I am tired of being told how I must take care of my health, what I can and cannot do. I resent laws that are made to control and contain me. If when I take a positive lover we decide to bareback then that is our choice. We are fully aware of the ramifications of our decisions and are able to take responsibility for them. Why is it that we who are articulate and intelligent beings are derided and condemned for wanting to exercise the same freedoms that negative people take for granted?

I find it loathesome indeed that academic types search in vain for reasons for the increase of bareback sex by HIV positive men. In one case it has been suggested that the use of protease inhibitors has so addled our deviant brains that we are no longer able to make effective "risk assessments" or that their is something wrong with our "prevention ethic". All rot of course. These are simply more examples of how HIV positive people are represented as dangerous monsters that must be contained for the good of society. Sadly these views are not uncommon amongst members of the gay and lesbian community.

I say this to my positive brothers and sisters. Do not be ashamed. Know yourself, your strength and your power. Understand that we terrify the heterosexist majority and moderate lesbigays, let us manipulate that fear to further our godless agenda.

IN SOLIDARITY

MtD