The HIV Closet

If you are HIV + and not comfortable with your new state of health, you need to read this and absorb its content to your life. This is not only admirable, but places you squarely in a position to take action to change your state of mind. Remember, it is your mind and not anyone else’s, and you have total power over it and its workings.

I don’t care if you are a Gay person, a Straight woman or Straight man: it is a part of you and a part of who you are. You might deny it, but to do so is not only futile, but is also very damaging to your own psy­che. In the same way, HIV is now part of who you are. It will be with you until you die, and that is just the way it is. So, do you by any stretch of the imagination consider it prudent to try to hide this very part of you, and not disclose for the next 10, 20, 30 or 40 years? Whew, that would place such a strain on your own mind, heart and persona that sooner or later you are going to crum­ble. Part of the acceptance of HIV and living with it is that very nasty subject of disclosure. How difficult is it going to be to go through the next 30 years making every effort in your being to keep this secret from everyone that touches your life? How diffi­cult is it going to be to try to trust someone enough to become a good friend, knowing that some day in the future, that friend might make a slip and let your secret out of the bag? Remember, HIV is for a life­ time. That is a very long time.

Considering this factor, was one of the most liberating and empowering things that I have learned while living with HIV. Ac­knowledging that you are in fact HIV+ is one of the biggest and most daunting hur­dles that you must conquer, and disclosure to family, friends and work, then sets you up to “create” a new and exciting life while “Living WITH HIV/AIDS” and not IT living with you! I realize that it all sounds like semantics, but I assure you that all long term survivors that have been self empow­ered, have at some time in their lives taken the bull by the horns and come out of the HIV closet. Many of us have nailed the damn thing shut, which then frees us up to do and create exciting things for our lives with the consideration of our HIV limita­tions. Remember, I was confined to bed for the better part of three years, and from then confined to a wheel chair for another five years. Now when I cannot walk, I mount my electric Zippy Cart and off I go, with my red ribbon firmly stuck to the back and in plain view of anyone that isn’t blind. Am I special for that? No, not one iota, but do I gain com­fort in the fact that I will not let HIV get me down and crush my life? That is a definite yes. I try to celebrate life, even when my head is in the toilet every morning, barfing up what is left of the Trizivir from the night be­fore. It is just part of life as I now know it.

Many have suggested that when living with HIV, one must stay flexible and that plans are always tenuous at best. This I have found to be very true, and when making plans, I must consider that my body might change those plans. I cannot get all worked up over that reality, but only accept that maybe I shouldn’t have made the plans I made for that period of time.

Please look at the message 1 have given you here, and please remember that part of your survival and good health in the future will totally depend on how you deal with the virus, both physically and emotionally, and coming out of that damn closet of secrecy will change your life, and do so in a positive direc­tion. Oh yes, some in your family will shit all over themselves, but this is not their life. They gave you life, and for you to take this bug and force you into the darkness for the next 30 years would be so very sad and destructive. There are many, many of us out here that have nailed the closet of secrecy closed for good, and I must tell you. I don’t miss that thing at all. It was totally miserable.

These are my thoughts.

Its ALL about Oil....

Strange isn’t it that “We The People” are being used by our own government to not only fund a war, but also to loose many of our young people in that war, simply to benefit Oil Companies. I’m sure this is no surprise to most readers of the Spin Cycle, but actually knowing why or how this is going on, then empowers us to not only inform those in our own circles, but to fight the law makers who happen to be on the take from said companies.

In doing a bit of research online, I was able to find some websites which illustrate this fact in an all too plain a fashion. This link will show you how the Energy Information Administration of our own government is tracking the oil fields located in the Caspian Sea area of the former U.S.S.R. http://www.eia.doe.gov/emeu/cabs/Caspian/SummaryTables.html This one will show the deal that was struck by congress in 1998 firming up plans for constructing a pipeline from the Caspian Sea to the Persian Gulf, of course traversing the mountains of Afghanistan, and Pakistan. http://www.whatreallyhappened.com/oil.html And this one is a report from the BBC about the culmination of that deal, which is dated 2002. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/2608713.stm

I don’t know if any of you are alarmed by this news, or if any of you actually give a hoot, but if you read the history of the Vietnam War, and go way back to the struggles the French put up in that country; I think you will find that war was also over oil and rubber. In that case, Michelin had a whole lot to do with the impetus of France going there.

Now we are faced with a new administration that is going to be dealing with this problem and on top of that; a war in Iraq which is a war to claim more oil reserves which are not ours. All of this to support Halliburton and Bechtel corporations in their vacuuming of tax dollars into their coffers reconstructing the oil infrastructure we destroyed while attacking that country. This of course is due to a promise made by our number two man, Cheney, to make up for the incredible losses he created while at the helm of Halliburton. All in all, we have been duped and led to believe yet one more very huge lie about us being there for the support and spread of Democracy. What a load of shit.

I find it so amazing that not only the Republican base is firmly in support of these two conflicts, but in fact many Democrats are there too. Even more astounding, those pesky Christians are right in the mix with their prayers and support of these conflicts. Even my parents when they were alive told me that it was vitally important to kill all the infidels and enemies of Israel, who were the personification of the devil. I of course asked if all people who worship through Islam were devils and should be killed, which they assured me was correct according to scripture. For those who don’t remember, my father was a minister and a missionary, and was schooled in John Brown University, a Baptist school of huge renowned. Unfortunate also that the extreme conservative side of Islam is also in the same struggle against us, and funny thing, they also go to their own scriptures in the Koran, to justify their war against us and Israel. Why is it that people must invoke the name of God to go on a national killing spree, and then when they are in the middle of it, spend huge amounts of time asking God’s blessing on the conflict? I would welcome any answers.

I don’t have a clue what any individual can do to not only renounce this “Oil” political policy, outside of driving an electric car, or some other very expensive or burdensome action. On the other hand, I remember when I was a youth in the sixties that when we became informed of issues of this incredible importance; we got busy and got active to create opposition to the idiotic issues at the time.

Now days, it is so very easy to find information on the web and to inform ourselves about the decisions being made in Washington that are going to affect us, or you can be like the lady in my bank who’s son is now in Iraq and when I speak of these things she stops what she is doing and holds her hands over her ears and won’t listen to any of it. I understand why she is hesitant to find the answers, being that her flesh and blood is there and involved, but this illustrates to me so very well how many of our country are just turning a blind ear and eye to our deplorable political record in this world. In my humble view, if I was in my twenties to forties, I would spend as much time as possible dedicated to this glaring miscalculation of policy and fight it until everyone in this country was aware of it.

My worst and most feared sense to this foreign policy is that the media is in on it and is playing patsy to the government. I know this administration has already told the Whitehouse press corps that if anyone prints anything about it they will be barred from press conferences immediately, and very few news networks are willing to be put in the spotlight for resistance to the norm. Furthermore, our news in this day is driven by advertising dollars, and we all know that the congress is now owned by the corporate world and for that WE are only to blame.

Funny thing is, now that I have placed all these facts down on paper, it seems so very obvious and such a waste of time, that I feel like hitting delete and just canning the whole thing. Maybe through my placing it here, I can inspire one person in this country to action, then I have done my part in fighting this obsession with world dominance that we have now placed ourselves in. Fortunately the world will go on, even when the United States kills itself and its economy though simple ignorance. When China moves into Washington D.C. and forces us to accept their domination and their rule, then maybe we will have awakened and will then be able to do something and make an attempt to save our nation. Unfortunately I don’t have a whole load of hope that this will actually take place and I see a time when China will not only rule our economy, as it does now, but will also move into the halls of congress to RULE us directly.

I am glad I am 61, and I fear for those children who are now growing up in a climate of hopelessness and frustration with our lack of direction. Hopefully their parents will be able to guide them into fields of work that will insulate them and make it possible for them to be able to pick up the pieces and make something of what is left of this shambles we are now creating for them.

When did our democracy become a “Demockery”?

How will YOU vote?

I have heard all kinds of reasons people are going to vote for this candidate or that one, and I have heard all the inane reasons for these choices. Hillary is a whore, a lesbian, shouldn’t have stuck to her vows with Bill and left him, is part of the establishment and so on ad nauseum. As for some of the other candidates; I have heard just as much, including that Mr. Obama is a Muslim. Gay people are talking about voting for McCain because the Democratic slate is so fucked up. First off, just like when Raygun got into the job, few people asked the citizens of California what kind of a Governor he was. Well, you need to ask a few Republicans in Arizona how McCain has worked out for us before you waste your precious vote on an imbecile that is rapidly becoming a shell of a man.

There is plenty of conversation about the economy, the cost of gasoline, the cost of food in the market, and the increasing cost of living without anyone addressing the lack of money in the salary to pay of all the current needs of living. There is a smattering of a discussion about the war that the conservative Christians of this country have foisted on us. There is a huge amount of time and words being given to illegal immigration and the stresses that they place on our society and budget. How come nobody is holding the Christian conservatives’ feet to the fire about how they are NOT enforcing the current plethora of immigration laws? Health Care, while a very important need, is right at the top of the list due to the thousands of bankruptcies in this country on an annual basis, due directly to the thousands of people who ARE insured under the new and improved health care mess that the conservative party has forced on us.

The candidates to a person are sticking to these very few talking points and messing about in a cloud of confusion about all of them and none of them. It seems that the new mantra this time around is “CHANGE”. I have news for you people out there with such a short memory. George Bush ran on the mantra of change, and change he did! Change in itself is not a bad thing, but one must be careful because the change you ask for is the change you probably not going to get. Change alone is not a reason to elect the leader of one of the largest countries on the planet, because after they get to Washington, they will find out that all those high in the sky promises they made to the electorate are just about as far from their capabilities as becoming Santa Clause. Remember, this congress is not useless; it is just imbalanced because we didn’t elect enough democrats last time to carry a majority against a congress that has become fat and rich. Just think, how much do you think any of the candidates really know about the stresses of everyday living for the normal middle class person like us. Shit, the worst decision any of them have had to make for years is “do I wipe my ass now, or wait for another few minutes to see if I am really done or not”. Think about it. They don’t even have to pick their clothing on a daily basis due to their Multi-Millionaire status in our economy now.

I want to bring a few things up that it appears nobody is talking about at all.

If you haven’t been sleeping under a rock, you would realize that the next Executive of this country is going to be faced straight up with a record debt that we have never had before, and a war that is about 4000 years old, and we will never have any way of winning let alone come out looking “Victorious”. They will be hit head on by a continued diminishing oil supply, with no alternative in the wings to help out,
a crumbling Interstate Highway system that hasn’t been maintained for at least 9 years. Global warming that is accelerating far beyond what the scientists projected just three short years ago. A rail system that is crumbling into oblivion, with no investment from the government for years. A social service system that is drowning the country. Tax receipts that are not paying the bills, and will never do so as long as the ultra wealthy are exempt from any tax liability. And the list goes on and on.

When I hear and read that people are not going to vote for a Lesbian, it literally makes my skin crawl. How shallow can someone who is a college graduate be when they say that they are going to let their vote be directed by such garbage? I guess the hopelessness must extend to the “educated” electorate that to this observer seems to be sleepwalking because so very few of them are really thinking about the real issues of the next four years.

I know Global Warming is an issue that you have heard me mention on more than one occasion, and when it is snowing on the coast of California, it probably seems even more remote a thought. However, the latest science out of Greenland shows that the globe is far from warming unilaterally. At the end of last year, a report came out about the warming on a regional basis, and for one degree of warming on the equator; the poles are warming from 2 to 3 degrees. The temperature average in Greenland is now at an accumulative total of 8 degrees warmer than it was for the previous 100 years. No wonder rivers of melting ice are eroding the foundations of their glaciers, and acting like grease to accelerate their trip to the ocean. The projections for the rise of the oceans has now been moved up and they now expect that in five short years, cities like New York and London are going to have to really move rapidly to keep their cities from being flooded forever. Florida is going to have to start working on ways to keep Miami afloat yesterday, but alas, they haven’t even thought about it.

No folks, this time the office of the President must be filled with a very competent person who has a world view, has experience working WITH the rest of the planet, and must have the balls (or ovaries) to call the difficult shots, and put the oil companies in their place. They must invest in new technologies so that this country will become the leader of the world in harnessing the expulsion of damaging chemicals into our atmosphere. They will be forced to funnel monies into our infrastructure in ways and amounts that will make the conservatives shake in fear. The rail system needs to be super funded, and passenger/car service must be incorporated into Amtrak. The actual rail beds must be rebuilt and fortified so that when I get on a train here in Arizona, I can go to Jacksonville Florida WITHOUT having to go through Chicago.

From my observations of this presidential campaign; I am left speechless that such idiotic reasons are coming out of the mouths of intelligent people for their reasons for voting for such and such a candidate.

I think Ron White is correct; “You Can’t Fix Stupid”.

The Weather It is a Changing.......

So, while the Presidential candidates are jibbing and jabbing at each other, all seeking to get into the ugliest job in America; what would happen but the "Bible Belt" gets smashed by the storm that left snow on the coast of California.

I watch the news each day with the anticipation and glee of a kid in a candy store, because my hunger for seeing what is happening in the world verges on an unhealthy obsession. I don't know if it comes from my past and my experiences of traveling the globe on a regular basis, but it really doesn't matter where the hunger comes from. I am watching as they are placing pictures of buildings, homes and cars all looking like the toys that the six year old had their way with. What a mess.

How do I react? That isn't such an easy answer. In my heart I am totally able to relate to the mess and to the urgency it places on the people that live in that area of the country. I have seen devastation and have witnessed the utter hopelessness that it brings to the people affected.

HOWEVER; my twisted sense of reality overwhelms me when I see someone on the screen saying "we prayed and prayed to help keep us save and alive, while all around there was hellatious destruction". My first question is, "what were you doing last week when California was getting slammed for a week with a winter storm that none of us alive have ever witnessed?"
Further, have you been living on this planet long enough to figure out that the storm systems in the northern hemisphere travel in a west to east direction and that in about a week you will be slammed with the same storm? Don't you realize that in about three days from today, England and Europe will be smashed with this same storm?

The most astounding thing that came to mind was the huge question "why are you praying and praying for protection?" Don't you realize that the God you are praying to was the same God that allowed the storm that is destroying your neighborhood to arrive today?

It is obvious to this writer that the planet's imbalance due to global warming is the main cause of these constant stream of "The Storm of The Century" repition we are witnessing now? Geeeesh. I guess this old man is just not with it, because I just don't understand the utter stupidity of this nation.

We claim to be a Christian nation, yet we slam our ignorance into the face of God above, and then wonder why he/she is allowing this pestilence upon our precious country.

Wake the Fuck Up!