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Sunday, December 18, 2005

Kevin's Konservative Krusade

Dear Fellow Members of the Insufferably Smug Left,

From time to time I have been known to express my displeasure towards the moderate lesbigays - tedious types who think that signing a petition in favour of gay marriage and posing around in a red ribbon once a year gives them status as activists. In this offering, however, I wish to consider that other horror of Pervertdom - the Queer Conservative.

Queer conservatives are a bit like, revolting and fascinating at the same time. They are quite the rage in the States at the moment. I mean who could forget Republican Party AIDS victim pinup, Andrew Sullivan? We have our share down here in Australia too - Professor David Flint and broadcaster Alan Jones both spring to mind. However, I've found a particular queer conservative who doesn't have the profile of these other self-loathing types.

His name is Kevin P*****.

Kevin has his own hateful little corner of blogspot and I encourage you to peruse his ramblings - non sequiturs and split infinitives notwithstanding (remember - he IS from Georgia). Now I don't want anyone to think that my original motivation for posting on Kevin's little blog was spiteful, far from it. There was simply a dearth of wit, sparkle and fabulous about the place.

So I added a little bit for him.

Kevin was not best pleased. The ungrateful little cracker posted some catty article on his digital shit sheet. I just LOVE the reference to it being his 666th post. Now that's champagne comedy! Honestly being attacked by Kevin is like being flogged with a warm lettuce. Not just that but he even graced the Spin Cycle with his rodent like presence. Undaunted, I had quick word in the delicate shell like ear of my Blog sister Bucko the Depraved and like two little things possessed we set off for Kevin's place.

Like all conservatives, Kweer Kevin just doesn't like to deal with people who disagree with him. If your views don't dovetail neatly with his, he stomps off in a hissy fit. After a couple of exchanges of comments on his blog (naturally Bucko and I were the living embodiment of wit and sophistication whilst Kev whined like the snotty little wimp that he is) Kev shut down free speech by enabling comment moderation on his blog.

That's right! The Queer Conservative, the Faggy Fighter for Freedom now screens the posts on his blog and only permits those he agrees with. We here at the Spin Cycle are delighted with this outcome and consider it a major achievement. Kevin learned the hard way that the terms of debate are set by those of us on the Left - he and his ilk can only react.

Kevin actually maintains three separate blogs - the main one that your glorious correspondent has referred to so far and two others namely:
  • Cutie Pie Posts - a collection of magazine covers showing the banal whitebread sex objects that Kracker Kevin loves so much;
  • Perfect the Perfect - which is the only place where Kevin makes any sense whatsoever.
In addition to his little blogettes, Kevvy also has an email address. You can mail him on:

But now let's consider some of Kevin's "opinions". Kevin scribbles extensively on those issues which seem to obsess conservatives, the death penalty, Islam, American foreign imperialism, how whites are discriminated against and of course terrorism to name but a few.

Like any screeching right wing shitbag Kevin is vehemently pro death penalty. Take the time to go back through Kev's endless blatherings about the recent execution of "Tookie" Williams, you can just hear him rubbing his chubby little hands together with spiteful glee. Yet when this act of state sanctioned murder was carried out, Kev came over all maudlin and a little bit sombre. Gee Kev, you can't have it both ways, babe. Either you're a foaming at the mouth lynch mob Liza or anti death penalty. They are MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE positions.

Kevin believes that torture is an acceptable method of dealing with the "enemies" of the United States. Kevin conveniently ignores that gay men and lesbians (his own people) have been the subjects torture throughout the ages. Tell me Kev, when the loony right wing of your political party finally succeeds in turning America into a Christian Theocracy and the secret police come knocking on your door, how will you view torture then?

Kevin fails (as you would expect) to grasp the basic concept that torture doesn't work because the victim will tell his or her tormentors anything to avoid the agony. It's fundamentally flawed as a method of interrogation as well as being inhuman. In the same breath, Kevin then justifies the murderous imperialistic warfare being waged on Iraq by the USA because dictators like Saddam used torture and summary execution. Although Kev still holds out hope that the Yanks will find WMD's. Given that position it's a bit rich for my favourite Kweer Konservative to poke fun at the supposed stupidity of the Left.

But Gentle Reader, it gets better. Kevin is a great fan of Jean Marie Le Pen - the leader of the extreme right in France. Le Penn has a history of holocaust denial - but because Le Pen espouses the same racist, xenophobic views that warm the sliver of flint that Kevin refers to as his heart that makes him ok. Like all phase locked conservative intellectual featherweights Kevin tries to backtrack when this is pointed out, but Kevvy - once you say it, you own it.

I wonder if Kevin is aware of the tens of thousands of homosexual men who, wearing the Pink Triangle, were murdered by the Nazis in the Holocaust? No doubt had Kevin been around in the Germany of the 1930's he would have informed on other gays in a spineless and yellow bellied attempt to save his own skin.

The recent race riots which have plagued my country are a direct result of the attitudes that poisonous little trolls like Kampy Kev put about. It's sad to note that people like Kevin Palmer who should know all about the misery of oppression choose to spread the evil rather than struggle against it.

By making himself a poster slut for the queer conservatives, Kevin has abrogated his responsibilities. For all you moderate lesbigay cowards who bitch endlessly because the hated heterosexist majority denies you your "marriages", feel free to thank Kevin for that. His political activity keeps in power those who would deny you your "rights".

Kevin the Queer conservative is a traitor. A traitor to his own people. Kevin is an active participant in a political movement which has as one of it's highest goals the persecution and repression of gays and lesbians. Kevin supports policies which see HIV positive people in the United States denied access to the most basic health care.

Kevin is one of a small legion of tame homosexuals that seek to undermine the gains that we, the Queer Left, have achieved for our people over the last 40 years. In the sidebar of his blog page you'll find a list of similar neo-conservative nancy boys who spout identical views.

Kevin and his cross burning comrades are responsible for the poison of homophobia, bigotry and hatred that causes young gay men and lesbians to take their lives. Conservative homosexuals like Kevin have the blood of Matthew Shepard on their hands. I'm sure it's nice and cosy in the Log Cabin.

Well Kevin, let me tell you on behalf of radical Queer activists everywhere you are exactly the sort of queer we have promised to destroy. There is nothing worse than a traitor.

Remember Kevin - we repay.