This is a Spin Cycle Service Announcement

Adoring supplicants,

Due to natural disaster and social dislocation The Spin Cycle is not able to provide you with our full compliment of astonishingly witty correspondents. Red Ronnie the Socialist SissyFag, the Depraved Buckles and Hermie the Soul of all Gaydom are currently occupied with other pressing matters of life and death at this point in time.

As for me, Matty the Damned, Troll Master and Keeper of Queer Lore - I can do whatever the fuck I like and since I dazzle you ungrateful bastards with my rapier wit for free you will hear from me when it suits me.

IN SOLIDARITY

MtD

Fear and love. The only true drives in our lives.

In everything we do in our daily lives only two forces rule : fear and love.

The best example is a blind date.
Picture yourself getting ready to see a potential life mate for the very first time.
And now try to feel which forces bubble up in your very own soul.

First there is the fear that you might not even get to the meeting point : will it be foggy, will I encounter a blizzard, get stuck in a traffic jam, have a flat tire, run out of petrol, crash my car, get lost on the road, have mechanical problems ? Etc...

Then there is the fear of not going to please your date : am I educated enough, wearing the right clothes for the occasion, will he/she like my cologne, does my breath smell ok, is he/she gone like the colour of my hair, the way I dress, the way I talk, move, smile, or am I too short or just too tall, too fat or too skinny, will he/she like me to be quiet or just talkative? Etc.....

And of course the fear that your date will not live up to your expectations : is he/she romantic, friendly, elegant, sportive enough; has he/she been to college, does he/she love pets, like oriental food; does he/she sleep with the air-conditioning on, does he/she snore, have a bad temper, or doesn’t always flush? Etc....

But why the hell are we wanting to go through with living when life holds so many fears???

Love, nothing but the urge to love, be love, live love and only love. That is the reason.
If we listen to the voice of love we are able to cross valleys or mountain peaks, accept bad moods or a smelly breath.
If we would only go for it and let our faith and thrust guide us, then only would we truly live.
We would be able to see the beauty of life, the shine of love, through all the mistakes we make.
But love is forgiving and kind, never fails, and lifts us to the highest mirwana.

If we could only let love be our guide instead of fear.....

To my doctor Bea, in gratitude and admiration.

Herman

The art of accepting love.

The art of accepting love.

I am so good at giving love. Ask anyone.
You know , the “ as long as you are ok, I am ok” stuff?
Ask me how to hug? I will give you a list of 132 different hugs and how to administer them.
You want to learn love in body language? Sure, I have starters , advanced and master classes. Internship included.
You have never been able to open up your heart? Herman is the right person to teach you every single detail in opening up heart and chakras.
Need an update on “how to surprise your lover” in the most inventive ways? Plug yourself in and download it, at your convenience.
Ran out of cosy names : boxes full of them in my room.
Searching for yet another position in bed to please and tease your partner? Try me.

Why is it then, that I am such a bad receiver in all of the above named business?

Why is it that I feel I have no right to receive without giving?

Why can I not lay back and say “ have it your way with me, please me”?

Why am I a big mouth when talking about giving love universally and not include myself?

Why can I not accept to be loved and wonder “Why me”?

Why is it so hard to be receptive and so easy to be giving?


Could it be a lack of self love?
The idea that my HIV body is rotting away and who could love me then?
That my heart is infected too?

I guess I was raised to give, as part of my then catholic belief. My mom always thought me that sharing whatever you possess is the only true way in life.

When I came back from the Toronto aidsmeds gathering, I was glowing with energy and tingling with love.
It had been so easy to accept love. Why there? Why then?
HIV was the key that opened my heart to the love of others.
The ugly HIV finally brought me a gift.

And now, every night, I lay in bed and open up my heart for all the hugs that I received.
One by one I accept the declarations of pure, spiritual, compassionate love.
Because I have finally included myself in the universal loving.

“It is ok, I understand, I am positive too”. Rocky on the Toronto gathering.

Herman